West Coast Atkins

This photo perfectly captures Syrahav's long eyelashes.

 I took this photo today.  After I uploaded it, it was so cute it motivated me to make a post. 

As you may have noticed, our posts have been very few.  This reflects how crazy busy we have been with life.  The past few weeks Jake was working overtime while I finished up finals, had my wisdom tooth removed during my only week off, and started clinic.  With the overtime hours in addition to finals, a tooth removal, and clinic, we’ve been exhausted.  Thankfully, Jake’s overtime hours are done.  Although we were very thankful that Jake was able to work overtime because it helped to pay for my wisdom tooth removal (which was pricey).  We needed the money.  But we are glad to have that out of our schedule now. 

And yes, I finally started my clinical years!  For a year, I will be a “secondary”.  With each patient visit, there are usually two student clinicians and an overseeing doctor.  The two clinicians each have a primary or secondary role.  During your first year in clinic, you usually get the secondary role except on our physical medicine shifts.  On my first day of clinic during my physical medicine shift, for my first patient, I was thrown into the primary role.  It was nerve-racking.  I also got to see my first HIV+ patient last week, which turned out to be a great experience.

Syrahav’s personality is continuing to flower.  She is easy going, loves to have fun, outgoing, and absolutely loves people.  She is not shy.  During the past two weeks for my clinic shifts as well as a preceptorship I am doing (I didn’t mention the preceptorship until now), my babysitter has been in California.  I had to find 2 weeks worth of back-up childcare.  It was hard, but it worked out well!  Everyone who watched Syrahav said she was an angel and never fussed once.  Wow, how did I have a kid like this? (I had some behavior problems as a child.) 

I often speculate as to why Syrahav’s temperament is the way it is.  I think it is a combination of nature and nurture.  For one thing, I feel as though Jake and I were able to adequately nourish her during her first year of life.  We slowed down.  We stopped a lot of things.  We made space for her and did not juggle her from provider to provider.  I think that taking a year off from school made a permanent mark on her life.  Because of this, I feel biased towards taking time off during the first year of life for any future children.  I also think a child’s behavior can reflect their emotional health, although I know this is not black and white.  Its so healing to me to watch Syrahav be loved so fully by her Papa, and to see her flourish from being in a loving environment.  I think Syrahav is a product of all the healing I’ve received, a growing flower that will continue to bloom through generations and will never be extinguished.

We have a really, really, really busy summer coming up.  Two clinic shifts, a preceptorship, and 12 credits.  Whew.  A part of me is not looking forward to this.  Things will slow down in the fall.  I pray that God protects Syrahav during this time and that we continue to be intentional as a family in spending quality time with each other.

Before I returned to school full-time in the spring, we were coming out of a couple months of severe sleep deprivation due to Syrahav’s horrible, excruciatingly painful teething process.  Then the spring quarter started and I never got much rest.  Since the spring quarter, I’ve found my body overwhelmingly exhausted.  My adrenal glands are fatigued.  Its been getting harder and harder to push myself, and I can no longer function on less than 7 hours of sleep.  My body just can’t do it.  Intense emotions can also be very taxing on your adrenal glands, and my adrenal glands have taken a toll over the years from all of the trauma I’ve experienced.  Even processing all the emotions involved with past traumas can be taxing on the adrenals (I’ve actually been diagnosed with PTSD).  So emotions, baby, life, teething, school, everything has taken a huge hit on my adrenals.  This has shown up in my hypothyroidism (burnt out adrenals can lead to hypothyroidism).  Because of my health, we are ok with slowing down.  My body needs it.  Pray for me in this.

In the midst of the exhaustion, I can’t help but smile at how good life is.  How much God loves me.  How much Syrahav makes me laugh.  God has given so much.  More than I ever imagined.  I never imagined my life being this good. 

Below is a picture of Syrahav and I at Gasworks Park.  She’s out of focus (and I’m in focus).  Too bad because she’s making such a cute face!

Gasworks Park in June.

July 9th, 2010 | Comments (1)

We made a trip out to Anderson Island last week.  My client at Microsoft has a lake house there and invited everyone on my team for a 5-star BBQ.  Such good food!

Not to mention an amazing place to explore.  There are trails down to the beach, where there are thousands of sand dollars strewn about!  Syrahav loved playing on the beach and filling up her bucket with little treasures (mostly dirt – she kept digging in one spot).

On a different note, this morning Syrahav woke up and wanted to climb up in bed with me (I was still half asleep).  After a little help from mama, she was sitting up next to papa.  Mama began scratching her back while Syrahav sat still, as if she was hypnotized.  When Archer stopped, Syrahav gently grabbed Archer’s hand and guided it once again to her back.  I think she learned that one from papa!  She did this several times and we were cracking up.

This girl sure is hilarious.

July 2nd, 2010 | Leave a comment

Monday:

- Had to go to the Bastyr Clinic to get my second TB test.  In the exam room, Syrahav was really excited to explore everything as I cringed with fear of her touching something “contaminated”.  She kept throwing her toys on the floor.  The clinician took one of them and put it aside for me later (because it needed to be washed).  It was her little grasshopper.
- Pharmacology class in the afternoon.
- An appointment in the morning and class in the afternoon at a different location makes a full day for us!

Tuesday

- Woke up 30 minutes late on Tuesday morning.  I was late for my MANDATORY 8am class.   This was a success in the anxiety management department.  I was calm!
- Its peds this week (meaning we learn how to do a pediatric exam).  We were low on children (this phrase sounds funny).  I run down to the PRC (Bastyr daycare’s name).  I grab Syrahav and bring her up to the exam room where we’re practicing.  Syrahav flips out.  She’s very confused.  After about 20 minutes, she calmed down and was having a blast.
- My professor asks me to bring Syrahav to the afternoon section.  I said yes.
- We go to the afternoon section.  Syrahav doesn’t let out a peep.  Never cried once.  She was complient during the entire pediatrics exam.  This was her 3rd exam that day!
- My professor couldn’t get over how great & calm she was.  She was actually signing to my professor, asking him to hold her.  He held her and walked around with her for about 5 minutes!  Wow.  (Syrahav is extremely outgoing and very friendly with strangers as long as I’m around.  She wants everyone, especially men, to hold her.)

Wednesday

- I had to go to the Bastyr Clinic to get my TB test read.  Syrahav came with.  She fell asleep on the way there.  I carried all 28 pounds of her + carseat from the parking garage all the way into the exam room.  She didn’t wake up until I was checking out at the front desk.
- My afternoon class ended at 5.  I had to pick Jake up at the bus stop at 5.  I had to drop Syrahav and Jake off at home before my 6:00 class at the clinic.
- My evening class was a practice standardized patient exam.  This means there is a medical model (an actual person acting out a health condition) in an exam room, and I have to be the doctor.  I was expected to practice everything from A to Z.  In 2 weeks, I have my actual exam where there will be a standardized patient (medical model/actor) in the room in addition to another doctor.  I have to play doctor again and come to a diagnosis.  I have to pass this to enter the clinic.

Thursday

- We woke up 30 minutes late AGAIN!  After waking up late, Syrahav pukes! 
- After dropping Jake off at the bus stop, he realized he forgot his phone in the car.  He decides to walk to Bastyr to where the car is parked, gets out his phone, and walks another mile to catch a bus to work.  This is the very condensed version.  Jake didn’t get to work until 10am.
- Because I was already 30 minutes late, I took my time to eat breakfast with Syrahav in the daycare at school (meanwhile my husband is outside walking miles to get to work).  Had I known what was going on, I would have driven him to work…

May 28th, 2010 | Leave a comment

Thanks to this book, Syrahav knows the word bubble.  If you have children, this is a really cute book.  A few days ago when I wrote the last post, Syrahav was saying the word “ball” non-stop.  Well now its “bubble.”  Today at the PRC (the Bastyr daycare), she saw a red ballon, pointed to it, and said, “Bubble!”.  I think they’re pretty close.

Its so cute hearing her say this word!  I never imagined that this word would be one of her first top 20 words!

Here are all the words she can say verbally (she can say a lot more in sign language):

• Mama (she’s been saying this all the time, too, vey clearly)
• Papa
• Dada
• Ball
• Bubble
• All Done
• Dog
• Bottle
• Light
• Hat

Her sign language vocabulary is also growing very quickly.  She recently started signing for shoe, brushing her teeth, and blueberry.  If she sees anyone wearing a hat, she makes the sign for hat and whispers, “hat, hat, hat.”  She LOVES hats so much that she loves to point them out everywhere we go.

May 27th, 2010 | Leave a comment

Pray for us if you think of it, we’ve had a really hard weekend. Syrahav is teething, meaning she’s not sleeping very well. On top of it Syrahav and I (Archer) are both really sick. I had a mountain of schoolwork to do this past weekend, and none of it got done. Instead, our weekend ended with a mess of an apartment! Its hard to clean when both parents are sleep deprived, a teething baby, a sick baby, and a sick mama. Wow.

Everything was going so smoothly for us since I started school full-time with 19 credits. Take one variable out (a healthy parent) and everything crumbles. After this weekend, we’re highly considering going through the rest of school even slower. This past weekend, several variables fell out to make our system function. It all crumbled at once: teething, sickness, sleep deprivation, etc. On top of that, we’ve had a lot of extra doctor appointments, car appointments, and errands that we don’t normally have. This is when I wish we had some family in town!

When this quarter ends, I have one week off. During that week off, I need to get a wisdom tooth removed. Unfortunately, Jake is not allowed to take a day off work for this procedure. However, his boss is letting him work from home that day. Our neighbors are going to keep an eye on Syrahav for about 2 hours after my surgery is over (when I’ll be out of it due to the anesthesia). Whew.

Once that week is over, I start up my first clinic shifts at the Bastyr Center for Natural Health.

We are going to Vancouver Island this weekend. We’re really excited but it will be hard trying to get everything together to go. Jake’s Grama has been staying on Vancouver Island for the past month. On her way there, she visited us here in Seattle. Below is a picture of all of us at a photography hot spot in Queen Anne.

By the way, you’re probably wondering why I am even writing a post with so little time and no sleep!  I’ve been dying to write an update, and there’s so much more I want to say about Syrahav, but this was the least I could do!  Syrahav fills my heart up with joy I’ve never known.  I never ever imagined that children could bring so much to my life.  She fills me up and I can’t get enough of it.  Well God fills me up first, but she fills me up with the goodness of God.  You know what I mean..

May 24th, 2010 | Comments (1)

Syrahav loves balls.  Its her favorite word to say right now.  We have an exercise ball that stays in her room.  After Syrahav gets her morning Mama milk, she wrestles to get down.  She starts walking toward the exercise ball and says, “Ball”.  She says it like you hear in the video.  She uses a high intonation, which gives the word quite a squeal.  Its so fun hearing her say it. 

Yesterday I gave her a Valencia orange to play with and I told her it was a ball.  She was throwing it everywhere.  Although it didn’t bounce, it just rolled around.  She really enjoyed playing with it, and kept chasing it around saying, “Ball”.  I think she realized that it was more than just a ball because she kept sniffing and licking it.

Oh, and please ignore the mess in our apartment! Syrahav gets every toy imaginable out, and everything you see on the floor was just a day’s worth of fun for her.

May 24th, 2010 | Leave a comment

Above is a picture of Syrahav wearing one of her favorite hats, although it is now too small for her.  The picture above was taken almost a month ago, when Syrahav started putting on hats.  She is now fascinated with hats.  It began with learning how to put them on.  She didn’t just put the hat on, she would plop it on top of her head—anyway she could get it to stay.  Most of the time the hat would just sit halfway on her head, reflecting the common style seen amongst the older generation.  The above picture was my attempt to capture the hat sitting on top of her head, as it was not pulled down all the way.

Now Syrahav does the sign for hat (two pats on top of the head) and also can say hat.  She loves hats.  She asks to wear her hat frequently and she gets particularly excited when we put her hat on before we go outside.  Her love of hats makes me want to buy her tons of hats.  Its so cute to hear her say the word, too.

Right now, I caught a few minutes of extra time.  Syrahav fell asleep today in the PRC (the Bastyr daycare).  She normally does NOT fall asleep there.  I usually end up with a sleepy baby that falls asleep in the car on the way home.  Its been stinky that she doesn’t sleep at the daycare because then she naps during the time I could play with her (she’s napping on our way home/at home instead of while I’m away).  I had a break from 12-1, which I originally planned on driving her around in the car to fall asleep.  She is happily sleeping in the nap room while I’m sitting at some tables outside of the daycare, waiting for one of the providers to come get me when she wakes up.  However, I have an interview from 1-1:30 today, so Syrahav will be at the PRC during that time.  I’m hoping she sleeps through until past 1 so we don’t have to go through the separation anxiety all over again! 

Anyways, it was a blessing to have a few minutes of unplanned time today.  I thought it was the perfect time to write a little catch-up on here!  Even if it ends now!

19 credits and a baby is difficult.  There are moments where I’ve felt a lot of anxiety, but its gone away pretty quickly.  My year off has really changed the way I respond to stress, and I’ve noticed the anxiety in smaller amounts and that it doesn’t last as long as it once did.  I can only do this with God by my side, and I can’t do it alone.  I can’t do it without Him, and I can’t do it without the help of my wonderful husband. 

I think I might have heard her cry, so I’m signing off!

April 22nd, 2010 | Comments (2)

Wow, what can we say.  Syrahav has been a presence in our family for one full year!  It’s so hard to think that she used to be so little, like a little peanut muffin.  Looking at her now, I can see she really is getting big.  She is waving like crazy nowadays too. And not just “hello” waving; I feel like her hands are always moving due to her really picking up signs.  She started signing back to us around 11 months, and now she has quite a few signs up her sleeve!  Sometimes if she’s really excited, she’ll go right from “more” to “all done” to “hat” to “eat” to clapping to making noises with her hand over her mouth. I think she’s still learning exactly what each one means and getting better at it everyday. We spent our evening singing Happy Birthday, eating a baby friendly pear muffin, and then opening presents.

She also loves eating tons of food now. I feel like we can’t give the daycare enough snacks for her. She just keeps scarfing everything!

Syrahav really had a blast tonight, and I felt bad having to cut the fun short (it was past her bed time and she was a little cranky).  She was so excited for all the new toys she got (and also boxes, wrapping paper and noise making birthday cards).  We’re having another open house birthday party for her on Saturday with friends here, too. 

Here are some videos for those who wish they could have been there:

April 8th, 2010 | Leave a comment

Today Syrahav turned 11 months.  I can hardly believe that she will soon turn one.  Jake and I have been discussing what we will do for her 12 month birthday, especially since we have no family around for miles.  One thing I am excited about is that we will be celebrating with vegan, gluten-free chai cupakes.  We’ve been gathering all the ingredients for them, and I’m so excited!

Syrahav has been teething relentlessly the past week.  Its been exhausting.  I’ve had more anger than I’ve had tears, not at Syrahav, but at God.  Maybe I shouldn’t even write “the past week”.  Syrahav only has 4 teeth right now, and we’ve paid with about a month of sleepless nights for each one of them.  Over a week ago was the first time we had almost a week straight of her sleeping through the night; we almost forgot she knew how to do that!

I can’t have caffeine right now (what breastfeeding mom would drink caffeine when their baby is constantly waking up at night?).  Syrahav has been caffeine sensitive, although I’ve been too afraid to test it out recently for fear I’ll be up even more at night.  Being sleep deprived with  no caffeine crutch has been difficult, especially when it comes to reading research articles on the computer screen!

We’ve been praying really hard the past two days.  We’ve been praying over Syrahav’s room, over our apartment, and even over Syrahav before she gets in bed.  We’re desperate for sleep, not just for ourselves, but also for her!  Its funny how praying for something I want so badly has ended up changing my own heart.  Tonight, I felt an overwhelming flood of compassion for my daughter.  Not that I didn’t have compassion before (well its hard to have it at 5am after a sleepless night), but a desire welled up inside of me to continue loving on her the way we’ve been doing.

I can’t imagine how painful it must be for her, and what she’s telling us, is that she doesn’t want to be alone in her pain.  She will often fall asleep in our arms in the glider, but as soon as we move to transfer her to the crib, she’s back to square one.  So its either, sit awake with her sleeping in our arms, or stay awake playing put in and take out of the crib.  I realized tonight, in a deeper way, that Syrahav feels safe in my arms.  When her teeth are bothering her beyond her need to sleep, she wants to know that she’s not alone.  She feels peace, comfort, and love in my arms, which makes the pain not so bad anymore.

Tonight, God strengthened my love for Syrahav.  Thank you God, for continuing to teach me what unconditional love means.  I feel so moved by this, and for some Godly reason, her teething doesn’t invoke anger in me anymore.   Maybe God has been etching His unconditional love inside of me, just a little bit more.

March 8th, 2010 | Leave a comment